female psychology

The attitude of a 12-year-old

In the parenting world, I'm in what you could call the 'Sweet Spot'.

No nappies.

No more breastfeeding.

No more naps.

They can feed themselves.

They're all in school.

The Sweet Spot.

But, it's not gonna last for long.

My eldest is 12.

And there are more and more moments that reveal themselves to tell me that I'm slowly (not slow enough) coming out of that Sweet Spot.

Teenage attitude has peaked its head out.

And it hits you like, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

And then you go into this denial.

"Oh no no no," you're thinking.

That wasn't really attitude. That was an 'accident'.

But then it happens again.

And again.

Three months of this attitude that pops up more and more makes you, 

FORCES YOU

to get a grip and realise that the hormones have taken control.

Am I doomed?

Am I no longer in that Sweet Spot?

Those hormones are just crazy.

Not only does my daughter talk smack,

she knows how to negotiate, argue a good point, challenge my logic, and persist until I say yes.

I admit, she's good.

(She didn't get those skills from me. My husband's the negotiator. Among other things.)

The other thing about hormones is that I've noticed how much her body is changing.

Mostly for the good, but sometimes it's not fun for her.

And I can blame some of it from all the screen/mobile/device usage:

She's been complaining about spinal pain and headaches more frequently.

Before these changes started, I can't even remember her complaining about those things before.

And since her body has entered into that inevitable phase of puberty, she's come to me saying,

"Mom, can you give me an adjustment. My head is hurting a little."

And this week over half-term, she's had a different schedule, doing different things and activities including a lot of travel, and she's been complaining about feeling discomfort in her back.

And tonight I gave her her 3rd adjustment.

Each time she has laid down on the adjusting bench, I've noticed how her body is going through a big growth spurt.

There's so much development going on.

And I can see some things that are new and different too.

So, like I do for everyone else I adjust, I ask things.

This week I asked my daughter, "Are you excited or nervous about going back to school next week?"

Predictably, she answered, "What? Uhhhh, nope. Um I don't know."

She didn't know.

She's not aware enough.

Also, she's a little stubborn about sharing her feelings or insecurities with me.

But that's another issue I'm working on.

Teenagers go through incredible changes, and it's very important to help support their bodies go through them as best as possible.

The wonderful thing about my daughter's changes is that she's aware enough to know that she needs an adjustment.

There are some weeks where I don't adjust her at all.

And then like this past week, she gets three.

Sometimes our children need those boosts.

We as parents, especially as mums, know when our babies are not at 100%.

It's like the light in their eyes is dimmed.

Or they smell different.

Or, they sound differently when they talk to us.

We know.

That's when they need an adjustment the most.

Keeping their nervous systems and bodies in alignment and balance is so helpful in allowing them grow into their fullest potential.

To help them continually be their best.

So, if you sense that your child is going through a growth spurt, or some big change, or for any reason, bring them in for an adjustment.

One adjustment for a child goes a looong way.

See you at your next adjustment!

— Dr MaryAnne

 

The Perks of Being Married to a Brit

It's been a busy few months in my home and my home practice.

The change created a settling period and I also went away to attend a few seminars.

Life's been busy!

One of the seminars was in Washington DC for a huge pediatric and family chiropractic wellness seminar, hosted by the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association, of which I am an active member.

And because I was all the way over the pond, I of course had to make a stop into New York City, my hometown, on my way back to London.

My close friend insisted she take me out to dinner since we only had 24 hours together.

So we wanted to make the best of it.

We went all the way downtown in SoHo to this fantastic restaurant, with a fantastic wine list. 

I had purposefully not eaten lunch because I really wanted to indulge and eat tons of food at this place, as well as letting myself share a bottle of red wine with my good friend.

The food was incredibly delicious (I had this amazing scallop dish with squid and sea urchin risotto!).

My friend had a juicy fillet of steak (for which they are famously known).

The conversation was rolling, as was the time and of course, the wine. 

Pretty quickly, we downed the whole bottle of wine.

We couldn't muster up ordering another one, so we just said, "We'll just have another glass of red please."

Right.

Can you guess what happened?

We ordered a few more glasses between each other, and I could tell we passed a certain point of no return.

At least my friend did.

Interestingly, I was feeling great. 

Not too inebriated.

Just right.

However, I could tell that my friend was getting a little bit loud.

We stayed enjoying our meal and wine until the place was nearly empty and the staff was even heading home.

It was time to hail a cab.

I was still feeling fine, but my friend wasn't even able to walk straight towards the taxi.

We get in, and I immediately see her open the window and stick her head out.

Sick.

All the way back uptown.

On one hand, I was grateful that I didn't feel sick like her.

Then, on the other hand, I thought, "Is this what living in the UK with a British husband does?"

Serious Liver Training.

AKA Very Slow Alcohol Titration Training.

I texted my husband at 2:30am New York time to tell him that there might be schools closing because of a water main pipe bursting and some people had no water in Streatham.

His reply, "What the hell are you doing up?"

"We just got home."

"[surprise emoticon]"

"And you would be 'proud' of me. Your wife-married-to-a-Brit didn't get sick like her American friend wife-married-to-an-American."

Yes people. It's the little things in life that make it all fun and interesting.

And marriage interesting as well.

Bottom line is, I wasn't proud.

In fact, I got back to London and things got busier and busier in the practice.

And then after a few weeks, I realised that it had been nearly a month since I last got adjusted.

(Cue in the Shock Horror music)

I know. Crazy, right?

And guess what, I have had to do some serious catching up to get my system back online, back into high energy-richness, and feeling great.

That's what happens when I neglect what's the most important to me.

(And too much wine drinking.)

My health.

The way I keep myself strong and energised is from my regular adjustments.

I let myself go.

And it was a huge wake-up call.

This past week since Easter I've been adjusted twice already, and I've got my adjustments lined up for myself next week too.

When's the last time you got adjusted?

Do you feel the difference if you miss your adjustment?

Being married to a Brit definitely has its perks, but he's not going to adjust my spine and make my life perfect. 

That's my job.

I'm responsible for that.

So, come on over to my home practice where it's super cozy and really great.

And you get an awesome adjustment!

See you soon!

— Dr MaryAnne


 

I want to understand more

You know that question kids like to answer, 

If you were to have one superhero power, what would it be?

Well, my super power would be to know exactly how people think, their beliefs, their values, and how they make their life choices. This kind of thing fascinates me. I'm always trying to figure out someone's thought process. 

This day and age, there are a lot of things to have an opinion about. There are so many things to keep us busy. There's really no reason for any of us to be bored. At the same time, with everything that's out there, there are so many different choices and lifestyles, we find so many people in so many 'camps'.

Liberal or Conservative?

Vegan or Paleo?

Masculine or Feminine?

Natural or Synthetic?

Fast food or Organic?

Running or Yoga?

Breastmilk or Formula?

Chiropractic or Medicine?

There's just so much out there. The lists goes on and on. And everybody's got an opinion about it.

I wanna know where and how and why people get their opinions and beliefs. Are people able to explore the 'other' side objectively? Can people hear other ideas and thoughts? Why are we so resistant to change? Why do people get so offended?

Recently I posted a question on my Facebook page about getting adjusted regularly. It became a threadhole of different opinions about why some people don't get chiropractic adjustments.

How do people not get regular chiropractic adjustments?

My motivation for the question was to understand and know what other people do if they've never gotten an adjustment. I suppose I could have elaborated on the question to help people understand where I was coming from. 

I've been getting adjusted since I was about 11-years-old. So, for the most part, I don't know what it's like NOT getting adjusted. It's been a part of my lifestyle for all this time, and it works for me. When I asked the question, I genuinely wanted to know what people do to stay healthy and feel good. I also wanted to know about those people who did indeed get adjusted in the past, but didn't continue. There were many views.

For the people who didn't continue, their answer was simple and understanding. They didn't have a good experience and never went to another one.

End of.

Most people answered that it's all about being able to afford regular chiropractic care.

Some of my colleagues out there didn't buy that answer. 

I agree.

Saying that you can't afford the regular chiropractic adjustments is baloney to me.

Please, stay with me. Lemme explain.

A large majority of people who come in to see me do so because they are in pain. 

They hurt.

They want to know why.

But the bottom line is, they want the pain to go away.

I tell people time and time again that pain is not the problem. The problem is the problem. But human beings don't automatically think of it that way. People feel pain, react, and then do something to make the pain go away.

But the 'something' is usually a drug or a massage, or they think it's because they slept wrong and eventually, the pain will go away on its own.

When someone comes in to see me, they expect me to 'fix' it and make the pain go away.

It doesn't work that way.

But, for argument's sake, let's go with this.

Most of the time, a series of chiropractic adjustments is very effective in 'making the pain go away'. 

Yes, that initial series is a certain amount of money.

But, once the pain goes away, assuming you're not going to do anything stupid like eat crap food every day, drink loads every day, stay up all night, and treat your body like it's a punching bag, you can actually improve your health and state of discomfort greatly by just making a few changes gradually.

(Just because you get older every year, doesn't mean that your health is supposed to get worse and worse.)

Once the pain goes away, it's MUCH easier to keep the pain away doing good things for your body and mind than to deal with damage control of severe debilitating pain.

Consider that part of that good routine includes regular chiropractic adjustments twice a month. 

And if money is an issue, an adjustment once a month is way better than nothing.

So, if good health is of high value to you in your life, is spending £30-£40 per month impossible?

I'm also talking to those people who come to me initially because of pain, and then they don't come back until the pain comes back. At first thought, when they didn't come back for their regular monthly adjustments (when I told them it's important for their bodies to continue to stay strong and well), I assumed they didn't like me anymore. I took it personally. 

But then when they called me a few months later and said, "I'm in agony. Please can I get adjusted?" That makes me realize that there's something else running the show.

In this case, it's not about the money, because when the pain comes back, it's usually worse than before, and the amount of adjustments needed exceeds the number of months in between the first and next time they visit my practice. So they end up paying more money. 

My view is, if people really knew how powerful just one adjustment is, they'd take time, energy, and their money to continue getting adjusted on a regular basis.

But, I also do recognise that this goes back to my original curiosity. Some people just don't agree with me. They don't think that chiropractic care is important. I understand that. I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me. That's the beauty in conversation.

What I understood from that thread on my Facebook page, people think that chiropractic is, at best, pain relief, and at worst, very dangerous.

It's an ongoing conversation I  have with people. And as the internet doesn't fail, one can find just about anything to support or refute anything we love.

So, what is it really about? 

The bottom line for me is that all I want to do is help people. I know how amazing chiropractic is, and how it can transform someone's life. I've seen it happen over and over again. My mission is to tell people and teach people more and more about chiropractic. 

For me, it's not an argument or debate. It's about purpose and my passion of what I do. I love people. I see greatness in people. Chiropractic is my vehicle in facilitating a person to finding the extraordinary in themselves.

Those obstacles of people's opinions and understanding of chiropractic will always be in front of me, but, I just keep going.

I'll keep helping people through chiropractic.

— Dr MaryAnne

 

 

 

Moms and CEOs

Generally, moms in the household run the show.

The other day during one of my training sessions with my training group, we were discussing how it's the moms who run the household.

(We're all women in the group.)

There were certain theories about that.

No one could point to the real reason why.

Or, we just all couldn't agree on the best answer.

My theory is based on the different brains that men and women have.

(Or if one person's brain is more female than male.)

It's all about the neurology of the person.

It's well known that women's brains use more synapses that cross the hemispheres.

When men use their brains, there are fewer synapses crossing the hemispheres, and more synapses in just one side.

Which leads me to my theory about women doing more jobs.

We have what is called 'diffuse awareness'. 

Men are single-focused.

Jobs and activities at home on the domestic front are often chaotic, and there's a plethora of things to do and to get done.

Kids are running around everywhere.

Laundry needs to get done.

The cat needs to be fed.

Dinner needs to be prepared (what the hell do I cook for dinner tonight).

And the list goes on and on.

Women are generally better are assessing and tackling these jobs at the same time.

Men need to do one thing at a time.

Of course, I'm generalising, but ask any woman and most of the time, she'll explain that she's the one who manages the household.

I don't even bother telling my husband what's happening until the morning of.

And when the kids are on a school break, I tell him, 

"Oh, by the way honey, it's half-term."

He looks at me with big open eyes like it's fresh news to him and he had no idea, let alone was it even on his radar of need-to-know-knowledge,

"Oh? Is it? Ok. What are you doing with them?"

(sigh)

Anyway, are moms the CEOs?

Well, however it is in your household, here's something you can listen to when you're next taking out the trash or doing the dishes.

It's my newest podcast episode.

My guest and I talk about how mothers are leaders, just like the CEOs of the world.

It's a great episode, very illuminating!

Listen on iTunes or on my "You're Doing Great Mom" website.

Be sure to subscribe and write a review! I'd be very grateful!

Thanks!

— Dr MaryAnne

 

Poop in the water

Lately my practice has been crawling with pregnant women.

Well, they're actually not literally crawling around (although it would probably be good for them and the baby since it helps with baby positioning!).

They're comfortably laying down on my special pregnancy table where they relax, breathe, and get their spines and pelvis adjusted.

(They sometimes fall asleep and snore too!)

I love it!

When I adjust a pregnant woman, I'm connecting with her energy focused on her stress levels, tension in her spine and around her pelvis, as well as the tension in the uterus.

One amazing thing that happens is that I inevitably get so connected and somehow bonded with her baby.

It's fun adjusting pregnant women because I can tell that the babies love the adjustment too.

They move, kick, and seem to go through the motions as I adjust their mother.

It's fascinating.

One time I had a pregnant woman that I started adjusting in her 2nd trimester, and she came in every week until the birth.

Towards the end of the pregnancy, around the 38th week, I just sensed how happy, safe, and secure he was inside his little sac in the uterus.

And I just told the mother that I had a feeling that he would be 'born in his bag'.

(Please understand that this, my 'feeling' and my senses about this woman's birth outcome was unscientific, and also completely unrelated to my skill in chiropractic adjusting of the pregnant spine and pelvis.)

A few weeks later when her baby was born, she texted me,

"My baby boy was born yesterday. You were right - he was born in the sac!"

Babies born in the sac or caul happens infrequently, so I was surprised that my senses were right!

The most amazing and gratifying part of adjusting women is when I receive the text informing me that they had their baby and it was a wonderful and straight forward birth with little or no interventions.

And then, of course, I get to meet the baby and check and adjust them too!

I get very emotional when my pregnant mums achieve the birth they always envisioned to have.

It's how it's supposed to be!

(One time a mother texted me sharing that her birth was wonderful, in the birthing pool. Then she scared me because she said that there was one thing she wishes didn't happen - she pooped in the water when she was pushing! Shit happens!)


Women's bodies were made to do this, and I'm certain that chiropractic care helps their bodies to be in their optimal state and position to enjoy a comfortable and manageable pregnancy, as well as a successful birth experience.

Chiropractic care can start for women BEFORE they get pregnant, and continue throughout their pregnancy from the moment they discover they are pregnant!

Please help me share this with more women.

See you soon!

— Dr MaryAnne



 

How not to get divorced

A topic that really fascinates me is marriage.

Overall, it's the art and science of relationships that keep my mind busy.

My twelfth anniversary is next week, so I've been thinking about this more these days.

Why does one couple who is crazy, coo-coo-for-coco-puffs in love when married, and seven to ten years later, they divorce?

Or, two people who have never met one another are arranged to be married together, and then learn to love one another making it work for 30+ years together?

I've read books about this topic, listened to podcasts, spoken to many people, as well as heard about what old married people say.

My parents have this spectacular love story.

They met in Tokyo.

My traditional and Catholic French mother decided to go off the beaten path and moved to Tokyo to teach French in a primary school.

My Japanese and academic geeky dad was working in that same school as the head of the French department.

For him, it was love at first sight.

(It wasn't often that there were caucasian busty young women in Tokyo back then.)

For her, it wasn't exactly that, but maybe because her strict French father ordered her NOT to bring home a Japanese man.

(She didn't do as she was told.)

A few years later, they got married, moved to the South of France, and had my brother and then me.

When I was nearly two, we all moved to New York, and my parents had two more children.

They raised us with an abundance of love, always being there with us, teaching us many things directly and indirectly coming from different cultures and backgrounds.

In fact, nearly every day, we had a mix of French and Japanese cuisine.

French was spoken in the household, and we were a family with a fusion of three different cultures mixed together.

Overall, I had a wonderful and loving childhood.

(My older brother beat me up all the time, but I got through it, and now I'm a tough gal.)

Fast forward to 1998, my parents suddenly decided to separate, and eventually got divorced.

It was like the classic case of 'last child leaves the household, and one day they woke up, looked at each other and had no idea who the other person was'.

For the next 7 years, they stayed mostly amicably together, especially during Christmas when we all got together.

All six of us.

In fact, it was like nothing changed.

Then after eight years of living separate lives, they got back together, and remarried.

Crazy story.

Amazing story.

They're such a cute old couple now.

The eight years apart was a blessing to their relationship.

Every time I think about their story, thinking back to my childhood, how they were as parents, wondering how they made it through all the tough times, it leads me to think what they've done to CHOOSE to be with one another.

This is what I've come up with:

  1. Respect one another.
  2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  3. Accept that it's not about who's right and who's wrong.
  4. Learn that your happiness isn't their responsibility. It's yours.
  5. Be the first one to say sorry.
  6. Consider that you will always learn something new about them every day, every week, every month, or every year.
  7. Your expectation of how you want to be loved is probably not the same way they want to be loved. (The Five Languages of Love)
  8. If you feel resentment or contempt, do something about that and clear it up.
  9. Learn to laugh and joke with each other, especially when you've recently had an arguement.
  10. Constantly tell them "I love you" because conversations 'disappear'.


There's more, but that's the bulk of it.

Nearly every day, I strive to be as great as them in every area of my life as a wife and a mother. 

And now, I'm paying it back. 

To them.

To my siblings.

To my husband.

To my kids.

To my friends.

To my community.

To my practice members.

And to the rest of the world to make a difference.

Chiropractic is also a huge component of that.

I want to do big big things in my life, and coming around to my 12th year of marriage, I've learned so much.

I'm at a secure and expansive point in my life, and I owe so much of it to my parents, and my philosophy with chiropractic.

My gratefulness is enormous.

Thank you.

In love and expansion,

— Dr MaryAnne

It's called the whip nae nae, mom.

Spending time with my girls in Paris has been a chock full o' fun.

(And lots of learning about the latest trendy stuff. My daughters talk even more than I do.)

My 11-year-old is practically a teenager and she's teaching me a lot of songs, dance moves, and new ways to speak.

Frankly, I don't remember being like this when I was eleven.

(I probably was though.)

Kids these days seem to grow up much faster than when I was a kid.

(Is it technology that accelerates it the maturity process?)

Anyway, since we used to live in Paris, I still have a few friends living here so we went to have lunch with a close dear friend of mine.

She's a little bit younger than me, and my daughter really loves her too.

I hadn't seen her for a couple years, so it was great to see her.

The last time I saw her, things were a little sketchy in her life, and she was not doing very well causing her to resort to anti-depressant drugs.

When she told me this at the time, I did whatever I could to help her remotely, chatting with her online, texting, and emailing. 

I always told her that I knew she had it in her to fight this tough time in her life without using the drugs. I was confident that she didn't need them.

Unfortunately, so many women (1 in 7 women in the US) are taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs for their emotional states of depression.

And these women have no idea that almost all cases can be remedied and healed 100% naturally.

Take a look at this awesome interview with Marie Forleo and Dr Kelly Brogan.

Dr Kelly is a board-certified psychiatrist, who specialises in women's health, specifically depression and anxiety.

She just released this book all about healing depression naturally through exercise, diet, mindfulness, and meditation.

It's a phenomenal book.

I love it.

She's a big supporter and advocate for chiropractic care as well. 

I highly recommend learning more about what she teaches, how diet, foods, exercise and meditation can help clear and heal so many diseases, including depression.

As for my friend, over lunch with her, she was glowing with happiness, and she was so proud to tell me that she was doing fantastically well and she was able to get off the anti-depressants and heal herself naturally. 

Awesome. 

It is absolutely possible to make this happen. I know this and I'll always stand by that truth!

Healing naturally is how you will be healthy. Not the drugs.

Check out Dr Kelly Brogan's website to see what she's saying about it.

In the meantime, make sure you book your massage at this amazing price of £25 for one hour!

Remember, you can book the massage now for a date later on in the future.

You pay now, and have the massage in a few weeks if that makes it easier for you!

See you next week!

Have a wonderful Easter weekend.

— Dr MaryAnne

My kids speaks this strange alien language that I don't understand

As someone who was raised in America, I've always been amazed at how easy it is to travel to a completely different country within a couple hours from London.

Plane or train.

Doesn't matter.

It's very cool.

A two-hour train ride in America, and you're still in the same State (most of the time). 

I can't believe more Londoners don't take advantage of living so close to Paris!

It's so great to be able to hop on a fast train, and then BAM, you're in frogland.

Oui! Oui!

C'est magnifique!

Anyway, on the very crowded train, I met this very sweet young mother with her toddler daughter.

I couldn't help but offer my assistance because there was a jumble of seats with a big family of overgrown loud teenagers, and I could tell that this mother just wanted a comfortable seat with her little girl.

So I managed to talk the other people into rearranging their seating plan, and the young mother was able to sit next with us in the quattro seating (with the table in the middle).

Much better outcome.

She was very grateful.

It was simple to do. 

Little effort.

Big payout.

Stressless journey with children.

(Is that really possible?)

We had a lovely ride into Paris.

My kids played with the little girl, and everyone was happy.

I was probably the happiest because my eldest kept on talking in the strangest accent. I think she picked it up on YouTube. She contorts her face and has this annoying rhythm, tone, and intonation. 

Very strange.

So I basically ignored her. I had to. Instead, I focused on having a nice conversation with the young mother sitting next to me.

She asked me if I work and what I do.

Sure enough she became very interested when I told her that my special interest is with babies' and children's spinal health.

Most people have no clue what chiropractic paediatrics is.

"What does it mean for a child to go have a chiropractic check-up?"

I explained to her how important it is for all newborns to have their spines check shortly after birth.

Doesn't a paediatrician check the baby's heart, breathing, ears, genitals, etc?

How about one of the most important organs in the body?

The brain and the spine - the central nervous system?

This mother was totally fascinated.

"Yes, that makes sense!"

She even explained to me that her baby was born with forceps because she was twisted in a strange position stuck in the birth canal.

(Do you know how often I hear mothers say this?)

Listen, I love what I do. And if I can speak to one mother a day to show them how important it is to have her child's spine checked, then I feel that I've helped make a positive change in that child's (and mother's) life.

Because a healthy child is what we all want.

Healthy children lead to a happier world for the future.

Do you get it?

Good.

Now, I'm off to go eat some delicious French food.

Au revoir et a bientot!

See you next week for your adjustment!

(Don't forget to book in your £25 massage! Only ten days left at this price.)

— Dr MaryAnne