marriage

Husbandly Drunkenness

This post is about husbandly drunkenness.

But before we get to the booze, the arguing, the complaining about small portions, and the snoring, we have to get to the more snore-worthy matter of privacy.

Oh my God!

I’ve had a 100 emails about this, and this post might be your 101st.

Broadly, there is an ‘Unsubscribe’ button at the end of each email. It does what it says on the tin: goes to MailChimp which will then automagically unsubscribe you.

And it happens without my having to do anything (easy-peasy!).

Please, to unsubscribe from the emails, click ‘Unsubscribe’. 

And if you don’t, then you haven’t, and MailChimp won’t.

The End.

So, the husband is complaining about a shortage of husbandly drunkenness. “A grave deficit”, he says, emphasising the middle word in a thirsty gravel.

Is this justified?

Does your husband complain about such an undersupply? And men, do you complain to your wives (and in a few cases, husbands) about the global husbandly-drunkenness shortfall?

What should the UN do about it? 

(’Cause sure as biscuits, Donald Trump isn’t going to help.)

See you at your next adjustment!

— Dr MaryAnne

The attitude of a 12-year-old

In the parenting world, I'm in what you could call the 'Sweet Spot'.

No nappies.

No more breastfeeding.

No more naps.

They can feed themselves.

They're all in school.

The Sweet Spot.

But, it's not gonna last for long.

My eldest is 12.

And there are more and more moments that reveal themselves to tell me that I'm slowly (not slow enough) coming out of that Sweet Spot.

Teenage attitude has peaked its head out.

And it hits you like, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

And then you go into this denial.

"Oh no no no," you're thinking.

That wasn't really attitude. That was an 'accident'.

But then it happens again.

And again.

Three months of this attitude that pops up more and more makes you, 

FORCES YOU

to get a grip and realise that the hormones have taken control.

Am I doomed?

Am I no longer in that Sweet Spot?

Those hormones are just crazy.

Not only does my daughter talk smack,

she knows how to negotiate, argue a good point, challenge my logic, and persist until I say yes.

I admit, she's good.

(She didn't get those skills from me. My husband's the negotiator. Among other things.)

The other thing about hormones is that I've noticed how much her body is changing.

Mostly for the good, but sometimes it's not fun for her.

And I can blame some of it from all the screen/mobile/device usage:

She's been complaining about spinal pain and headaches more frequently.

Before these changes started, I can't even remember her complaining about those things before.

And since her body has entered into that inevitable phase of puberty, she's come to me saying,

"Mom, can you give me an adjustment. My head is hurting a little."

And this week over half-term, she's had a different schedule, doing different things and activities including a lot of travel, and she's been complaining about feeling discomfort in her back.

And tonight I gave her her 3rd adjustment.

Each time she has laid down on the adjusting bench, I've noticed how her body is going through a big growth spurt.

There's so much development going on.

And I can see some things that are new and different too.

So, like I do for everyone else I adjust, I ask things.

This week I asked my daughter, "Are you excited or nervous about going back to school next week?"

Predictably, she answered, "What? Uhhhh, nope. Um I don't know."

She didn't know.

She's not aware enough.

Also, she's a little stubborn about sharing her feelings or insecurities with me.

But that's another issue I'm working on.

Teenagers go through incredible changes, and it's very important to help support their bodies go through them as best as possible.

The wonderful thing about my daughter's changes is that she's aware enough to know that she needs an adjustment.

There are some weeks where I don't adjust her at all.

And then like this past week, she gets three.

Sometimes our children need those boosts.

We as parents, especially as mums, know when our babies are not at 100%.

It's like the light in their eyes is dimmed.

Or they smell different.

Or, they sound differently when they talk to us.

We know.

That's when they need an adjustment the most.

Keeping their nervous systems and bodies in alignment and balance is so helpful in allowing them grow into their fullest potential.

To help them continually be their best.

So, if you sense that your child is going through a growth spurt, or some big change, or for any reason, bring them in for an adjustment.

One adjustment for a child goes a looong way.

See you at your next adjustment!

— Dr MaryAnne

 

The Perks of Being Married to a Brit

It's been a busy few months in my home and my home practice.

The change created a settling period and I also went away to attend a few seminars.

Life's been busy!

One of the seminars was in Washington DC for a huge pediatric and family chiropractic wellness seminar, hosted by the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association, of which I am an active member.

And because I was all the way over the pond, I of course had to make a stop into New York City, my hometown, on my way back to London.

My close friend insisted she take me out to dinner since we only had 24 hours together.

So we wanted to make the best of it.

We went all the way downtown in SoHo to this fantastic restaurant, with a fantastic wine list. 

I had purposefully not eaten lunch because I really wanted to indulge and eat tons of food at this place, as well as letting myself share a bottle of red wine with my good friend.

The food was incredibly delicious (I had this amazing scallop dish with squid and sea urchin risotto!).

My friend had a juicy fillet of steak (for which they are famously known).

The conversation was rolling, as was the time and of course, the wine. 

Pretty quickly, we downed the whole bottle of wine.

We couldn't muster up ordering another one, so we just said, "We'll just have another glass of red please."

Right.

Can you guess what happened?

We ordered a few more glasses between each other, and I could tell we passed a certain point of no return.

At least my friend did.

Interestingly, I was feeling great. 

Not too inebriated.

Just right.

However, I could tell that my friend was getting a little bit loud.

We stayed enjoying our meal and wine until the place was nearly empty and the staff was even heading home.

It was time to hail a cab.

I was still feeling fine, but my friend wasn't even able to walk straight towards the taxi.

We get in, and I immediately see her open the window and stick her head out.

Sick.

All the way back uptown.

On one hand, I was grateful that I didn't feel sick like her.

Then, on the other hand, I thought, "Is this what living in the UK with a British husband does?"

Serious Liver Training.

AKA Very Slow Alcohol Titration Training.

I texted my husband at 2:30am New York time to tell him that there might be schools closing because of a water main pipe bursting and some people had no water in Streatham.

His reply, "What the hell are you doing up?"

"We just got home."

"[surprise emoticon]"

"And you would be 'proud' of me. Your wife-married-to-a-Brit didn't get sick like her American friend wife-married-to-an-American."

Yes people. It's the little things in life that make it all fun and interesting.

And marriage interesting as well.

Bottom line is, I wasn't proud.

In fact, I got back to London and things got busier and busier in the practice.

And then after a few weeks, I realised that it had been nearly a month since I last got adjusted.

(Cue in the Shock Horror music)

I know. Crazy, right?

And guess what, I have had to do some serious catching up to get my system back online, back into high energy-richness, and feeling great.

That's what happens when I neglect what's the most important to me.

(And too much wine drinking.)

My health.

The way I keep myself strong and energised is from my regular adjustments.

I let myself go.

And it was a huge wake-up call.

This past week since Easter I've been adjusted twice already, and I've got my adjustments lined up for myself next week too.

When's the last time you got adjusted?

Do you feel the difference if you miss your adjustment?

Being married to a Brit definitely has its perks, but he's not going to adjust my spine and make my life perfect. 

That's my job.

I'm responsible for that.

So, come on over to my home practice where it's super cozy and really great.

And you get an awesome adjustment!

See you soon!

— Dr MaryAnne


 

Moms and CEOs

Generally, moms in the household run the show.

The other day during one of my training sessions with my training group, we were discussing how it's the moms who run the household.

(We're all women in the group.)

There were certain theories about that.

No one could point to the real reason why.

Or, we just all couldn't agree on the best answer.

My theory is based on the different brains that men and women have.

(Or if one person's brain is more female than male.)

It's all about the neurology of the person.

It's well known that women's brains use more synapses that cross the hemispheres.

When men use their brains, there are fewer synapses crossing the hemispheres, and more synapses in just one side.

Which leads me to my theory about women doing more jobs.

We have what is called 'diffuse awareness'. 

Men are single-focused.

Jobs and activities at home on the domestic front are often chaotic, and there's a plethora of things to do and to get done.

Kids are running around everywhere.

Laundry needs to get done.

The cat needs to be fed.

Dinner needs to be prepared (what the hell do I cook for dinner tonight).

And the list goes on and on.

Women are generally better are assessing and tackling these jobs at the same time.

Men need to do one thing at a time.

Of course, I'm generalising, but ask any woman and most of the time, she'll explain that she's the one who manages the household.

I don't even bother telling my husband what's happening until the morning of.

And when the kids are on a school break, I tell him, 

"Oh, by the way honey, it's half-term."

He looks at me with big open eyes like it's fresh news to him and he had no idea, let alone was it even on his radar of need-to-know-knowledge,

"Oh? Is it? Ok. What are you doing with them?"

(sigh)

Anyway, are moms the CEOs?

Well, however it is in your household, here's something you can listen to when you're next taking out the trash or doing the dishes.

It's my newest podcast episode.

My guest and I talk about how mothers are leaders, just like the CEOs of the world.

It's a great episode, very illuminating!

Listen on iTunes or on my "You're Doing Great Mom" website.

Be sure to subscribe and write a review! I'd be very grateful!

Thanks!

— Dr MaryAnne

 

I am broody

Many friends of mine tell me that I should have a fourth.

Baby, that is.

Another one?

Nope.

I'm done.

In fact, when I was preggers with my third child (who just turned six, by the way), I had a very direct and concrete feeling that I did NOT want to have another.

I was crystal clear DONE at three.

BUT.

There's an ongoing problem.

In my line of work, seeing many newborns regularly, holding them, adjusting them - it really messes with my head. 

And heart.

And my ovaries.

But again, when I think about having another newborn, I quickly snap out of it (most of the time) and land back on the ground.

Reality.

This really tested me though over the summer holidays.

I took a lot of time off to be with my family, driving out to France, frolicking on the beach and ocean in the Atlantic, drinking lots of wine, and eating lots of cheese and French baguettes. 

What more could a girl want?

Yum.

Anyway, my last trip wasn't REALLY a holiday. Well, it was, but the main purpose was to help my sister.

I was her birth partner.

For those of you who have had a baby, you know that the last couple weeks of pregnancy, especially if you have a two-year-old running around, it's so exhausting. 

Just take my word for it.

So I was there to help out my sister at the end of her pregnancy while we waited for her to go into labour.

And just as I predicated, she went into labour in the middle of my stay with her. 

Very convenient.

And she went into labour at a very sensible hour right after we all woke up in the morning.

Labour was quick, easy-peasy, and she gave birth to healthy hefty baby boy.

Then I finally got to hold him.

After all that time waiting!

And then the broodiness kicked in.

Oh boy.

He was so delicious to hold and snuggle with. 

Newborns are magical.

One of the most common things we think about when holding a brand new baby, just a couple hours old, is trying to comprehend that this baby was JUST inside another human being living and growing.

That never ceases to amaze me.

And these newborns hold so much purity and potential inside of them.  

That's what they smell like!

I had about nine more days with my sister to help her with her new baby, and I really savoured every minute with them.

(Her husband threatened to kidnap me because I was such a huge help in keeping the baby from crying.)

As the days went by being around my sister's family that went from three to four, I also missed my crazy gang back home.

My kids are much older than my sister's and it's like a whole other stage that I'm in with them.

Yet, it's bittersweet.

Each time I held my sister's baby (or played with her two-year-old), a new feeling came over me stronger and stronger, realising something.

It's the concept that we parents get told by our elders all the time:

"They grow too fast."

Of course, conceptually, it's easy to understand.

And I see it before my eyes with my own children.

But it never hit me the way it did while being away from my kids for over two weeks.

I knew that each day my children were growing and changing, just like all kids, and I was missing those moments.

I wasn't there to do all the things that I normally take for granted.

As mothers, we feel like we're running on a hamster wheel just pushing along trying to keep everyone happy, managing schedules, dinner, laundry, friends, our partners, our relationships.

And it goes on and on, every day.

Being away from my children for 16 days, AND being with my sister's family gave me the opportunity to see things from a completely different perspective. One that made me feel nostalgic knowing what my sister was going through with two children and adapting to everything, as well as another perspective making me see how every single minute of our babies' lives are opportunities to make them feel loved, appreciated, and secure.

When I came home last week, I was able to hug my kids with that new perspective, cherishing so much more how grateful I am that I have them, and that they are who they are, happy and healthy.

NOW I get the concept fully in a renewed way, so much so that I've taken more time to be with them, rather than constantly try to find some of my own free time.

One day I'll be 85, and I definitely don't want to find myself sitting there alone, in my favourite comfortable chair feeling regret about my children, wishing that I had spent more time with them.

I'll never get these days back.

Even now my memory is skittish, not remembering certain moments of my children's lives. Those little detailed things I did like how I potty trained my daughter, or when did they first sleep through the night.

Now I know that I don't want to miss anything.

My eyes have opened.

Which is why I've changed my time and schedule in my practice to fewer hours in order to put my family fully as a priority.

(Don't worry, I'm still adjusting and I can't wait to adjust you all!)

I know at times when the kids are driving me crazy I'll think, "What was I thinking?" I'll want to get away and escape.

But, the difference is that I'll realise that this moment, right now, I get to hug my children more and anytime I want when I spend more time with them.

And when I'm 85, I'll think back and say to myself, "It was alllll worth it."

(Be sure to keep checking my schedule to book yourself in for your next adjustment.)

— Dr MaryAnne

How my trip to the pub was ruined by the British government

We're usually not organised.

My husband and I.

When it comes to our anniversary (12 years today), we usually forget to book anything, let alone get a babysitter in advance.

So for dinner tonight, we just decided to take our whole brood to the pub up the street.

We were starving.

Pub food isn't my usual thing, even thought I love a good burger, and it's been a while since I had a humongous meal with fries and lots of comfort food.

Plus, I've been training like crazy, lifting more weights, and my trainer told me I have to eat more to increase my muscle growth and recovery.

Win for me!

Anyway, my husband went up to the bar to order our food.

Burgers.

Ribs.

The usual.

We scarfed down our food.

(I'm still amazed, and will always be amazed, at how much food my kids can put down, especially my son, and be super lean. I mean, where does it all go?)

We all finished, and then I was in the mood for dessert.

(Right? What girl doesn't want to at least look at the dessert menu?)

Mmmmmm.

Yummmmm.

Millionaire's ice cream sundae.

Oh My God.

Yes please.

(Cue in shock horror music)

Then, in italics it says,

"1050 calories"

Wait, what?

I kept reading down the list.

Brownie hot fudge sundae:

1200 calories.

Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me?

Caramel Toffee Pudding:

985 calories.

I look at my husband with a really pissed off stare.

He looks at me like he's done something wrong.

I blurt out, "One thousand calories? Really? Why the hell are they telling us?"

He answers in relief thankful that it's not his fault this time,

"Oh yeah, blame the British government. It's sort of becoming the law."

Really?

Oh, for feck's sake.

Let's order three.

Yes, I ate my share.

Live and let live.

Life's too short.

Carpe diem.

Oh yes. It was goooooood.

Happy Anniversary to us!

Have a great long weekend.

— Dr MaryAnne

How not to get divorced

A topic that really fascinates me is marriage.

Overall, it's the art and science of relationships that keep my mind busy.

My twelfth anniversary is next week, so I've been thinking about this more these days.

Why does one couple who is crazy, coo-coo-for-coco-puffs in love when married, and seven to ten years later, they divorce?

Or, two people who have never met one another are arranged to be married together, and then learn to love one another making it work for 30+ years together?

I've read books about this topic, listened to podcasts, spoken to many people, as well as heard about what old married people say.

My parents have this spectacular love story.

They met in Tokyo.

My traditional and Catholic French mother decided to go off the beaten path and moved to Tokyo to teach French in a primary school.

My Japanese and academic geeky dad was working in that same school as the head of the French department.

For him, it was love at first sight.

(It wasn't often that there were caucasian busty young women in Tokyo back then.)

For her, it wasn't exactly that, but maybe because her strict French father ordered her NOT to bring home a Japanese man.

(She didn't do as she was told.)

A few years later, they got married, moved to the South of France, and had my brother and then me.

When I was nearly two, we all moved to New York, and my parents had two more children.

They raised us with an abundance of love, always being there with us, teaching us many things directly and indirectly coming from different cultures and backgrounds.

In fact, nearly every day, we had a mix of French and Japanese cuisine.

French was spoken in the household, and we were a family with a fusion of three different cultures mixed together.

Overall, I had a wonderful and loving childhood.

(My older brother beat me up all the time, but I got through it, and now I'm a tough gal.)

Fast forward to 1998, my parents suddenly decided to separate, and eventually got divorced.

It was like the classic case of 'last child leaves the household, and one day they woke up, looked at each other and had no idea who the other person was'.

For the next 7 years, they stayed mostly amicably together, especially during Christmas when we all got together.

All six of us.

In fact, it was like nothing changed.

Then after eight years of living separate lives, they got back together, and remarried.

Crazy story.

Amazing story.

They're such a cute old couple now.

The eight years apart was a blessing to their relationship.

Every time I think about their story, thinking back to my childhood, how they were as parents, wondering how they made it through all the tough times, it leads me to think what they've done to CHOOSE to be with one another.

This is what I've come up with:

  1. Respect one another.
  2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  3. Accept that it's not about who's right and who's wrong.
  4. Learn that your happiness isn't their responsibility. It's yours.
  5. Be the first one to say sorry.
  6. Consider that you will always learn something new about them every day, every week, every month, or every year.
  7. Your expectation of how you want to be loved is probably not the same way they want to be loved. (The Five Languages of Love)
  8. If you feel resentment or contempt, do something about that and clear it up.
  9. Learn to laugh and joke with each other, especially when you've recently had an arguement.
  10. Constantly tell them "I love you" because conversations 'disappear'.


There's more, but that's the bulk of it.

Nearly every day, I strive to be as great as them in every area of my life as a wife and a mother. 

And now, I'm paying it back. 

To them.

To my siblings.

To my husband.

To my kids.

To my friends.

To my community.

To my practice members.

And to the rest of the world to make a difference.

Chiropractic is also a huge component of that.

I want to do big big things in my life, and coming around to my 12th year of marriage, I've learned so much.

I'm at a secure and expansive point in my life, and I owe so much of it to my parents, and my philosophy with chiropractic.

My gratefulness is enormous.

Thank you.

In love and expansion,

— Dr MaryAnne

I have a new baby

No, not that kind of baby.

It's a new project.

Something that's been brewing in my mind for a while.

(Not in my womb.)

My trainer probably sensed it, which is why he invited me to co-host his podcast which is more about fitness and many topics related to fitness and health. 

But it's mainly HIS podcast.

This baby is mine.

It's all about women and motherhood, pregnancy, birth, and everything related to it. 

My inspiration was from all the women in my life, friends, patients, teachers, mentors, and family who have shared their experience with me about motherhood, as well as their choice not to be a mother. 

There are all walks of life with motherhood, and with everything out there for information, I thought this would be a great platform to inform women, help them and support them through their journey.

So, check it out, subscribe, and let me know what you think!

www.youredoinggreatmum.com

— Dr MaryAnne