I think the neighbours heard me when I yelled the f-bomb
I'm going to allow myself some bitching time here.
I need to vent.
Tonight, in my practice, something happened to me that hasn't happened in a long time.
If you've been in my practice recently, you've probably noticed that I've done a little decor around the place.
Added massage therapists.
Made it look warmer.
Part of that is also changing some of the art decorations.
I bought these really cool wall decals with great inspiring messages all about chiropractic.
(It makes the place look lovely!)
So tonight, before my adjusting shift, I started to put one of the decals up.
I thought to myself, "I could do this myself."
Darren, my massage therapist had just finished up with a massage and I asked him to check if it looked straight.
That's all I needed help with.
Then he had to go.
I thought the hard part was over.
Then, after my adjusting shift was finished, I continued with my decal.
I slooooowly unpeeled it.
And then SLIP - the sticky paper folded over itself and stuck to the decal!
At first I thought it was no problem.
But as I tried to pry it off, it was completely stuck, like duck tape!!!
I didn't give up though. Not at first.
But the more I tried to peel it and separate it, the worse it got.
I could feel my anger rising.
And I could also see the problem spiralling downwards into a total abyss of destruction.
I couldn't save it!
Holy crap, was I pissed off.
Pissed off at myself, pissed at the paper, pissed at the whole situation.
Then I started yelling, "Oh fukk. Fukk, fukk, fukk!"
The neighbours probably heard me.
What's more, my brain started figuring out that this decal company is in America and that it took a while to get that decal delivered. Plus, it wasn't cheap.
All this horribleness was grinding in my mind.
I hadn't felt this much frustration and anger in a while.
I could feel this building up and building up.
That feeling of knowing there was nothing I could do was so damn upsetting.
I crumpled up the whole decal in rage, and slam dunked it into the bin like a toddler having a tantrum.
(It actually felt good doing that.)
Then I just sat down, put my head in my hands, and breathed.
I had to let it go.
I had to give it up, and just let it go.
So I let myself have a few moments of feeling the anger and frustration, and acknowledged that the drama was over and done with, and that there was nothing more I could do in that moment.
After about 5 minutes, that was it.
The frustration passed.
I started focusing on what was in front of me, and the next moment, realised that I had to finish up some admin stuff, and go home to relieve the babysitter.
All the time.
But, for me, the lesson is that it's not worth getting all worked up about this petty stuff.
The small insignificant material stuff in life really doesn't matter.
As I was driving home, I had an insightful thought:
There are bigger things going on in my life that make this small stuff silly.
More important things matter to me.
And my purpose in life is what keeps me going.
Stuck-together decals are not going to sway my purpose.
My purpose is so much bigger than those dramatic silly things in life.
As I type this, all I can do is gently smile at my crazy self on how I just got so emotional and fuming over the decal.
I mean, anybody would.
But, I do have to give myself a high-five for being able to let it go, and move on to the next thing in life.
And at that moment, it was all about my kids.
See you at your next adjustment!
— Dr MaryAnne