marriage

The Perks of Being Married to a Brit

It's been a busy few months in my home and my home practice.

The change created a settling period and I also went away to attend a few seminars.

Life's been busy!

One of the seminars was in Washington DC for a huge pediatric and family chiropractic wellness seminar, hosted by the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association, of which I am an active member.

And because I was all the way over the pond, I of course had to make a stop into New York City, my hometown, on my way back to London.

My close friend insisted she take me out to dinner since we only had 24 hours together.

So we wanted to make the best of it.

We went all the way downtown in SoHo to this fantastic restaurant, with a fantastic wine list. 

I had purposefully not eaten lunch because I really wanted to indulge and eat tons of food at this place, as well as letting myself share a bottle of red wine with my good friend.

The food was incredibly delicious (I had this amazing scallop dish with squid and sea urchin risotto!).

My friend had a juicy fillet of steak (for which they are famously known).

The conversation was rolling, as was the time and of course, the wine. 

Pretty quickly, we downed the whole bottle of wine.

We couldn't muster up ordering another one, so we just said, "We'll just have another glass of red please."

Right.

Can you guess what happened?

We ordered a few more glasses between each other, and I could tell we passed a certain point of no return.

At least my friend did.

Interestingly, I was feeling great. 

Not too inebriated.

Just right.

However, I could tell that my friend was getting a little bit loud.

We stayed enjoying our meal and wine until the place was nearly empty and the staff was even heading home.

It was time to hail a cab.

I was still feeling fine, but my friend wasn't even able to walk straight towards the taxi.

We get in, and I immediately see her open the window and stick her head out.

Sick.

All the way back uptown.

On one hand, I was grateful that I didn't feel sick like her.

Then, on the other hand, I thought, "Is this what living in the UK with a British husband does?"

Serious Liver Training.

AKA Very Slow Alcohol Titration Training.

I texted my husband at 2:30am New York time to tell him that there might be schools closing because of a water main pipe bursting and some people had no water in Streatham.

His reply, "What the hell are you doing up?"

"We just got home."

"[surprise emoticon]"

"And you would be 'proud' of me. Your wife-married-to-a-Brit didn't get sick like her American friend wife-married-to-an-American."

Yes people. It's the little things in life that make it all fun and interesting.

And marriage interesting as well.

Bottom line is, I wasn't proud.

In fact, I got back to London and things got busier and busier in the practice.

And then after a few weeks, I realised that it had been nearly a month since I last got adjusted.

(Cue in the Shock Horror music)

I know. Crazy, right?

And guess what, I have had to do some serious catching up to get my system back online, back into high energy-richness, and feeling great.

That's what happens when I neglect what's the most important to me.

(And too much wine drinking.)

My health.

The way I keep myself strong and energised is from my regular adjustments.

I let myself go.

And it was a huge wake-up call.

This past week since Easter I've been adjusted twice already, and I've got my adjustments lined up for myself next week too.

When's the last time you got adjusted?

Do you feel the difference if you miss your adjustment?

Being married to a Brit definitely has its perks, but he's not going to adjust my spine and make my life perfect. 

That's my job.

I'm responsible for that.

So, come on over to my home practice where it's super cozy and really great.

And you get an awesome adjustment!

See you soon!

— Dr MaryAnne


 

How not to get divorced

A topic that really fascinates me is marriage.

Overall, it's the art and science of relationships that keep my mind busy.

My twelfth anniversary is next week, so I've been thinking about this more these days.

Why does one couple who is crazy, coo-coo-for-coco-puffs in love when married, and seven to ten years later, they divorce?

Or, two people who have never met one another are arranged to be married together, and then learn to love one another making it work for 30+ years together?

I've read books about this topic, listened to podcasts, spoken to many people, as well as heard about what old married people say.

My parents have this spectacular love story.

They met in Tokyo.

My traditional and Catholic French mother decided to go off the beaten path and moved to Tokyo to teach French in a primary school.

My Japanese and academic geeky dad was working in that same school as the head of the French department.

For him, it was love at first sight.

(It wasn't often that there were caucasian busty young women in Tokyo back then.)

For her, it wasn't exactly that, but maybe because her strict French father ordered her NOT to bring home a Japanese man.

(She didn't do as she was told.)

A few years later, they got married, moved to the South of France, and had my brother and then me.

When I was nearly two, we all moved to New York, and my parents had two more children.

They raised us with an abundance of love, always being there with us, teaching us many things directly and indirectly coming from different cultures and backgrounds.

In fact, nearly every day, we had a mix of French and Japanese cuisine.

French was spoken in the household, and we were a family with a fusion of three different cultures mixed together.

Overall, I had a wonderful and loving childhood.

(My older brother beat me up all the time, but I got through it, and now I'm a tough gal.)

Fast forward to 1998, my parents suddenly decided to separate, and eventually got divorced.

It was like the classic case of 'last child leaves the household, and one day they woke up, looked at each other and had no idea who the other person was'.

For the next 7 years, they stayed mostly amicably together, especially during Christmas when we all got together.

All six of us.

In fact, it was like nothing changed.

Then after eight years of living separate lives, they got back together, and remarried.

Crazy story.

Amazing story.

They're such a cute old couple now.

The eight years apart was a blessing to their relationship.

Every time I think about their story, thinking back to my childhood, how they were as parents, wondering how they made it through all the tough times, it leads me to think what they've done to CHOOSE to be with one another.

This is what I've come up with:

  1. Respect one another.
  2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  3. Accept that it's not about who's right and who's wrong.
  4. Learn that your happiness isn't their responsibility. It's yours.
  5. Be the first one to say sorry.
  6. Consider that you will always learn something new about them every day, every week, every month, or every year.
  7. Your expectation of how you want to be loved is probably not the same way they want to be loved. (The Five Languages of Love)
  8. If you feel resentment or contempt, do something about that and clear it up.
  9. Learn to laugh and joke with each other, especially when you've recently had an arguement.
  10. Constantly tell them "I love you" because conversations 'disappear'.


There's more, but that's the bulk of it.

Nearly every day, I strive to be as great as them in every area of my life as a wife and a mother. 

And now, I'm paying it back. 

To them.

To my siblings.

To my husband.

To my kids.

To my friends.

To my community.

To my practice members.

And to the rest of the world to make a difference.

Chiropractic is also a huge component of that.

I want to do big big things in my life, and coming around to my 12th year of marriage, I've learned so much.

I'm at a secure and expansive point in my life, and I owe so much of it to my parents, and my philosophy with chiropractic.

My gratefulness is enormous.

Thank you.

In love and expansion,

— Dr MaryAnne

Do not ask men to observe their emotions

My Family Plan means that men come in to my office with their families. It seems obvious that, as my husband describes it, “they are under orders from the boss”. How do I get them to engage? (And some need to. Their spines are a mess!)

After the adjustment, how about asking, “How do you feel?”

Absolutely not. No. Do not ask men to observe their emotions.

“How do I feel? Err, usual, I guess.” “How do I feel? Err, like it’s Friday afternoon and I’m not in the pub. Which isn’t good.” “How do I feel? Err…” — turns to wife — “darling, how do I feel?” 

Women often report feeling excellent. A good proportion of mothers report that their children are better (symptoms lessened, behaviour calmer, sleeping longer and more deeply, eating heartily, passing Cambridge entrance examinations, whatever).

But most men don’t report at all. Or don't know what to report. 

Is this my fault? Are my hands better on women and children? Or is this men being insufficiently self-aware to feel better? Hence, failing to observe being better? Or is this men being too shy to admit to an improvement — would it mean admitting that the wife was correct?

A few men, but only a few, do say that they’re better. I told my husband, who said “They’re only saying they feel better because they know that if they don’t appear to respond positively, they won’t get laid.” Men! So if they don’t say they feel better, it might be because they do feel better and don’t want to admit that. And if they do say, it might be because they don’t—but of course want to feel better in every man’s favourite way of feeling better. 

My oh my: and men say that women are complicated!

My message to these men (and women) is that if you're judging how healthy you are by the presence or absence of pain, then you're going at it all wrong. If you've ever been in pain, and then it went away, that's just 10% of what your system is working on.

The rest of the situation, the 90%, is what needs continuous work. Pain is only 10% of the way. 

You need to also factor in the remaining 90% to be healthy and stay healthy.

That's why getting your spine adjusted regularly is important.